PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DRINKING WINE FOR 8,000 YEARS AND ONLY IN THE LAST 100 YEARS HAS ANYONE ASKED THIS QUESTION AT fucking ALL SO MY SHORT ANSWER WOULD BE YES IT OBVIOUSLY IS OR CIVILIZATION WOULD HAVE COLLAPSED yall!

A 4,500 year old tiled box found in what is now called Iraq, depicting what can only be described as an absolute rager.

wine is very obviously the most fun of all the beverages, but is it actually good for you? let's get into the science of it!

part one: THE MEDITERRANEAN DIET

Gosh honestly of all the diet trends this one is sure as hell my favorite! It’s been considered the healthiest diet for many years in a row now. Scientists recommend eating more Olive oil? Then I will! More veggies and fish!? Love it! Bread every day? NOW WE’RE TALKING MY DUDE! Less processed food? Makes sense to me! The world finally giving LEGUMES the respect they deserve? MY DREAMS COME TRUE! Oh and HARVARD said that this delicious wonder diet loses around 25% of its healthy qualities UNLESS IT IS PAIRED WITH A RED WINE!

WELL BUTTER MY ASS AND CALL ME A BISCUIT

The American Heart Association, Mayo Clinic, and Ivy League universities all agree that this diet improves cardiovascular health by improving blood flow. BUT WE KNOW OTHER PARTS OF THE BODY ARE ALSO IMPROVED WITH HEALTHIER BLOOD FLOW NOW DON'T WE (and if you don't ask your boyfriend).

look at the damn olive oil pump dispenser what the heck y’all

The Mediterranean diet is generally thought of as the healthiest lifestyle OF THEM ALL and that diet includes a DAILY serving of red wine, and more for celebrations. The last part of that sentence is less science-backed than the first part, for full disclosure.

Part two: YOUR FRUITS N VEGGIES

We all know that fruits and vegetables are good for us, because duh. They provide countless minerals and compounds that our bodies cannot produce on our own. Plants produce these defense chemicals (called polyphenols) to protect their own supple and delicious bodies from environmental stressors like heat or high winds. Plants are brilliant! And as science has profoundly discovered and I will discuss in an upcoming blog, WINE IS A PLANT. Stay tuned!

Grapevines, as wine plants are known, contain polyphenolic compounds IN ABUNDANCE! A lot of these are antioxidants, which prevent cellular damage, improve heart health, and lead to a long and fulfilling life. Resveratrol in particular has been shown to benefit heart, brain, and skin health. Studies show that ingesting these vitamins and minerals in concentrated forms, like in supplement pills, does NOT lead to the same benefits. It’s something about the combination of them, within the medium of fermented juice that is beneficial to us. This confirms what I think we ALL believed already: wine is a magical mystery.

BETTER BELIEVE WHISKEY AND BEER CAN’T DO ALL THAT, HONEY!

There are DOZENS of studies that show links between drinking red wine in moderation and lowering risks of certain cancers, diabetes, dementia, stroke, high blood pressure, vision loss, and depression, which you can sure look into if you feel like it!

As an added bonus, a glass of red wine contains iron, calcium, magnesium, and potassium (half as much as a banana). OK THEN!

hot blond chick drinking chilled red wine in Sonoma Square — i for one feel healthier already

Part three: FERMENTATION IS YOUR FRIEND

Wine is of course made from grapes but it’s actually even better than that because it’s made from

FERMENTED GRAPES YALL

In recent years the wonders of fermentation and associated gut health are ALL ANYONE CAN TALK ABOUT. The tales are true! Pickles are fun AND delicious! And great for your belly was the point I was actually going to make!

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT our CRITTERS!

Trillions of microbes live in our lower intestine. They are friendly and hard-working! Like my neighbor who hands me the most delicious arugula from his garden over the fence and every time I have to fight back tears because why is he so nice and what have I ever done for him! ANYWAY! We call this situation in our bellies our microbiome and it affects EVERY SINGLE PART OF OUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.

Many doctors now think of the microbiome as an additional organ in our body, which does the work of converting many of the components in our food into usable forms. HOW FUN IS THAT!? When we eat we’re actually halfway feeding our microbes, which then feed us. I think it’s very fun to see myself as half cyborg but the cyborg part is bugs instead of robot.

Remember all those magical vitamins and minerals in grapes? The fermentation process actually modifies them, creating a greater diversity and complexity of polyphenolic compounds! WHAT A TIME!

part four: ALCOHOL IN MODERATION

Ok now for the sad news. Ethanol (the science name for alcohol) is not great for the human body. It is actually toxic to the human body and it makes certain people do EXTRA DUMB SHIT. Excessive alcohol consumption IS TRULY TERRIBLE. While there are a lot of benefits from MODERATE WINE DRINKING there are equally numerous diseases caused by EXCESSIVE ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.

Chronic, heavy drinking is NEVER A GOOD IDEA!

Drinking and operating a vehicle is REPREHENSIBLE!

BUT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO DO ANY OF THAT ANYWAY WERE YOU MY PERFECT ANGEL

You were just going to drink a lil wine! Like probably a glass or two per night as is recommended by the Centers for Disease Control, the U.S. Department of Health and USDA and The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

And let us not forget! Alcohol only makes up 10-15% of wine! And the rest of it is minerals and antioxidants which are great for you, water which is actually mostly what you are too, and PURE DELICIOUS JOY! Alcohol also plays a crucial role in human history, which OF COURSE I discuss in next week’s blog!

part five: BLUE ZONES

So this research is a bit more recent than the fact that fruits and veggies are good for you and pickles are your friends and olive oil and bread is a downright elegant combination, all of which we have known and forgotten in a terrible cycle for thousands of years.

The term “Blue Zone” was coined in the early 2000s to describe areas of the world notable for populations of consistently long-living, happy people. There are now studies all over the place relating to this concept! Basically researchers find the happiest old people and scream into their barely functioning ears HEY HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET SO HAPPY AND OLD and then analyze the data and write papers about it. YAY SCIENCE!

Using this time-honored method, researchers have identified the five places on the planet with the highest life expectancy and compiled a list of NINE ATTRIBUTES which each of these communities share. AND YOU’RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS SHIT HOMIE I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BUT

#6 IS ACTUALLY WINE!

I’M JUST GOING TO COPY THE EXACT WORDING THAT’S HOW FREAKIN PUMPED I AM ABOUT THIS!

“People in all blue zones (except Adventists) drink alcohol moderately and regularly. Moderate drinkers outlive non-drinkers. The trick is to drink 1-2 glasses per day (preferably Sardinian Cannonau wine), with friends and/or with food. And no, you can’t save up all week and have 14 drinks on Saturday.”

PRETTY MUCH A CASE CLOSED ON THAT ONE YALL!

ACTUAL SCIENCE HAS DIFINITIVELY DETERMINED THAT WINE IS ONE OF THE KEY COMPONENTS TO A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE! WHICH IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING ABSOLUTELY ALL ALONG!

`what did we do to deserve such an awesome plant`

IN CONCLUSION

Wine has been around longer than writing! Without even a hint of exaggeration I am here to tell you that human beings have been drinking wine SINCE THE MOMENT THEY DISCOVERED THEY COULD FARM PLANTS OR BUILD COMMUNITIES.

Grapevines produce all kinds of amazing polyphenols to keep their sweet lil green bodies healthy and stealing those with our mouths keeps us healthy too! But the majority of these cannot work in our bodies without our helpful belly bugs, which JUST SO HAPPEN to love fermented fancies. IT’S ALMOST LIKE WE EVOLVED TO DO THIS???

I have no choice but to conclude that wine ROCKS AND HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME OBSESSED!

You think you could live a long and happy and healthy life by just eating berries and pickles and NOT drinking wine??

is wine good for you?